Fire X Fire
by MystBlackCat
Summary: POST TROS: A connection like theirs would normally kill them. They've defied reason before at a price, but with the yearning to be whole again, does one half have to lose? After over a year, Rey has managed well, considering, but it doesn't change the fact that she hasn't been the same since that day on Exegol.
1. Chapter 1

POST TROS:

A connection like theirs would normally kill them. They've defied reason before at a price, but with the yearning to be whole again, does one half have to lose?

After over a year, Rey has managed well, considering, but it doesn't change the fact that she hasn't been the same since that day on Exegol. She has her friends around and is not alone, but the one presence she longs to feel continues to elude her…

* * *

"Alright let's switch into some classic exercises. Finn will be giving each of you a blast helmet and a combat remote to train your force reflexes and block the blasts" Rey instructed before Finn took over the training of the group.

While Rey watched each person slowly warm up to the concept, she watched as one of the newer recruits continued to get hit, blast after blast, with the shield over her eyes. With a smile and a knowing glance at Finn, he stepped in to coach the young girl.

Shortly after the aftermath of the Battle on Exegol, Finn mentioned that he had been trying to tell Rey that he was force sensitive - ever since they were sinking on Pasaana. She had chided him for not just telling her earlier but was overjoyed to have someone else with her to understand the burden and blessing of the force. It was a comfort she needed, especially after losing Luke, Leia, and Ben. She had trained with him extensively for about a year before they decided to recruit other force sensitives to train and grow stronger together.

She looked at the young girl now, finally blocking blast after blast. Rey couldn't help but smile – Finn had come such a long way in a short time.

As the exercise neared its end she took the lead again to lead the group in Force meditation.

"Now remember, though it will likely be only after extensive amounts of practice, you may see things out of the norm. Past, Present, and sometimes Future, but not to worry." The pupils' eyes shone bright with the possibility of their sensitivity before closing them and focusing together.

As the class continued their mediation deeper with the force, Rey felt a brief flicker inside her, before the floodgates opened and she felt an overwhelming rush of feeling that she only knew as – _Ben!_ she nearly screamed aloud, as her eyes snapped open in a panicked state. The rush then left as soon as it came, but not before Finn noticed her unease.

"Well, I think that's enough for today – be sure to continue your practices before we meet again tomorrow" Rey instructed before quickly packing up.

That night was to be a party to welcome back Poe – Their system was among one of Him and Zorii's many stops. They had taken up establishing trade routes for the reconstruction of the Republic. Each time they had seen them the selection had grown more diverse with the new contributing systems - Even Finn had to admit that Spice running had its fair share of… legal skillsets. While Rey usually looks forward to their arrival, the emotional weight of the day left her meditating alone in her room for the night. Ever since Exegol, she had been desperately trying to communicate with the Force Ghost of Ben, but night after night had ended in disappointment. _Am I not strong enough?_ She wondered, _Did he not turn soon enough to come back like Luke or Leia? Does he not __**want**__ to communicate with me in the Force?_ The last thoughts bothered her more than she wanted to admit. _So why now, all of a sudden, did I feel him again?_ She winced as she remembered the day's meditation - the harsh feeling of abrupt emptiness as his presence left again.

There was a light knock on Rey's Chambers.

"Come In!"

Finn made his way through the doorway holding one of Rey's favorite drinks, "I come bearing Tsiraki! Poe made sure to bring some back for you along his last route."

"Finn! You're the best! Though I'll probably have to thank Zorii – I'll bet she's the one who reminded Poe to actually bring it on their next trade run," she laughed.

"Enjoy – Looks like you could use it," Finn said while handing over the prized liqueur.

"You're sure you don't want some?"

"Nah – I'll pass. For the life of me, I can't understand why you would like that stuff" Finn stated in disgust.

Rey laughed to herself. It was stupid, but the taste grew on her while visiting Ben's homeworld of Chandrila. Not that she would tell anyone that the reason she always requested it was the vague connection to the 'long gone Kylo Ren'. She took a few sips before considering Finn's previous comment.

"What did you think I could use this for?" she inquired.

"Ever since today's training you've seemed... not yourself" he explained. _Hah – you could say that about the past year and a half_ she thought.

"To be honest, its actually been the first time I've felt like my full self in a while, ever since – "she stopped herself before continuing, they had been through a lot together, but she was sure this was something he would not be able to understand. She took a sip before continuing – "since I found out what happened to my parents." That was partially true, but the knowledge of her parent's decision had really only helped to heal that wound.

"Rey, You know I'm always here for you, right?" Finn said, grabbing her hand. His quick response made her question whether or not he had believed her, but she shrugged the thought off. Finn had always had her best interests in mind.

Rey smiled, "Yes, you've proven that time and time again. Thank you, Finn."

When Finn had left for the night, she couldn't help but be grateful that she had better friends than she could ever ask for, even if she couldn't tell them everything that weighed on her mind.

She dreamed again of him that night, replaying their final moments of overwhelming joy, peace, and completion before she had felt his presence slip away from her. Ben smiles. The one time she had ever seen it had faded far into her memory with time, but tonight it was clear as that fateful day. But instead of collapsing, he put his nose to hers, looked into her eyes, and whispered, "Come find me."

She woke with a start, breath ragged and dripping in sweat. All her senses were in a panic, but she felt calm nonetheless. She knew what she needed to do.

* * *

Author's Note: I love the Dynamic of Rey & Ben/Kylo and their ending was bittersweet but suspiciously open for continuation. As an avid FanFic reader myself, I figured this was a good scenario to turn lemons into lemonade! Hope you are enjoying it so far - Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

She had spent all hours of the night digging through Luke's texts to find something, any clue that may tell her where to go. When finally, she could not read another word, she fell asleep in her pile of books.

It was mid-day when Finn knocked on her door, "Rey, are you awake? We are supposed to be training in a little bit!"

She startled awake in time to see Finn opening her door to check on her. She glanced around at the mess of literature surrounding her and noticed she had pulled Kylo's lightsaber out last night in her hysteria. She quickly shoved it under a book before Finn could see.

"Had a late night – Can't remember what I was trying to figure out," she laughed, hoping it didn't sound nervous before continuing, "Thanks for getting me – I'll meet you there soon!"

"Too much of that drink will do that to you. Alright, Rey, just please let me know if you need anything," he said knowingly before leaving. Call it paranoia, but he didn't seem convinced.

* * *

Training went as normal as ever, not a hint of the tremor from yesterday, much to her dismay. As the day started fading back into routine, her doubts got the better of her.

_I'm definitely getting more desperate - **had** it been the Tsiraki that caused those dreams? It felt so **real**._

She had trouble believing that it wasn't just all a dream – well, it technically **was** but she hoped it wasn't an intoxicated fantasy in her head. Getting back to her quarters, she pulled Kylo's lightsaber out from under the book it had been stashed under. It wasn't Ben's, not truly, but it wasn't **not** his either. She sighed as she held it in her hands, feeling conflicted as ever, before putting it back in the secret spot next to her bed.

It was the little things that kept her going; that had never changed. She would have held onto mementos of her parents all these years, if she had any. Studying the Jedi texts cover to cover during her training with Leia gave some interesting insights on what the Jedi believed in. One concept she found hard to grasp was letting go of attachments. It had been Vader's downfall, supposedly, and Luke seemed to follow that rule himself. She wasn't sure how good of a rule that really was, but she could see where that could get people into trouble, given her own attachments and how they drove her choices. When Ben had… she took a moment to compose herself before continuing her train of thought. When Ben had disappeared, she left his sweater on Exegol, not wanting that reminder, but also not wanting the temptation to desperately cling to it and form a dangerous attachment that couldn't be satisfied. It didn't take her long to realize that effort was futile. She wept, sick to her stomach when she finally wrapped her head around the fact that the last piece she could have ever had of Ben was abandoned by her.

That's when the attempts to reach out **really** began. She became desperate, seeking him in meditation, but of course, she never felt him. One day while flying past the Endor system she felt a flicker of familiarity, not his presence, far from it, but close enough to possibly get her fix. She made a note to go back to Kef-Bir, where she had last seen Kylo Ren. Under the pretense of a "force mission" she made her way back and stood where she had nearly taken his life. She called out to the force, and in response, the lightsaber emerged in her grasp. She took it everywhere she went from then on, even repaired the corrosion and shined it up like new. It was all she had left.

She remembers his stern words to her, _Let go!_ and sadly wonders what he would think of her life, would he be grateful for her attempts to cling to his memory if he was watching from afar?

She put her hand on the panel concealing the saber. _If I am going to look for him, I can't be holding on to these trinkets. I don't need a relic from the past to give me more hope than I already dare to have. Better to leave it safe here, in case it's all I have to come back to._

Her mind was made up. She had spent enough time hoping for a chance to see him - a ghost, a voice, the faintest hint of his presence. _Might as well see this through, even if it leads nowhere._ She packed up to leave before thinking of Finn. _What in this system am I supposed to tell Finn?_ Backtracking to Kef-Bir had been suspicious enough and that was a short trip. She didn't know how long she would be this time.

_A feeling – a calling, that's what I'll tell him. Definitely not lying about that. _Finn had always supported her instincts, even when she didn't herself. _This will be fine_, she convinced herself.

Bag packed, she opened the door to tell Finn, only to find him a few steps away.

"Rey, where are you going? You've felt a little off, I was coming to check on you," the emotion in Finn's eyes betraying his curious tone as he eyed her bag.

"Finn, I was just coming to tell you, I'm going to go be leaving for a little while. I don't know how long it will be, but I just can't shake a feeling calling to me."

"From yesterday's training," he said, not missing a beat.

"Yes – I can't stop thinking about it and I think I really need to trust myself on this one," she explained, glad this was going better than she imagined in her head.

"I'll come with you, we can figure this out together," he replied, but she could feel the uncertainty flowing from him.

"Finn, I don't know about that..." she considered what to say next without giving herself away, "Someone has to continue the training sessions, what will they do without both of us?"

"Yeah, I had a feeling you'd say that. I wish you would let me come along, but I understand why I can't." Rey felt his answer meant more than just keeping the others going, but wasn't sure what he could mean.

"Just please be safe Rey, I want you to come home in one piece," Finn continued, a flicker of sadness in his voice.

"I will. I'll let you know when I'm on my way back, I'll be back before you know it," she promised before giving him a parting hug. He hugged her back tightly before they parted and Rey started towards the Falcon.

* * *

Rey opened up the Millennium Falcon and began to ascend the ramp before she felt someone grab her hand, "Wait!"

She turned around to see Finn again. "Rey," he started but grew quiet again. She could feel his emotions grow tumultuous as he determined what to say next.

"I... don't know exactly what words to use, so I guess I'll just tell you like it is – I love you, Rey."

Rey feels her breath stop. She had always cared deeply for Finn, maybe more at one point than she let herself admit, but there was no one like that for her after the connection and belonging she had found in Ben, no matter how brief it was. "Finn, I – "she started before he cut her off.

"Listen, Rey, I know this sounds crazy to hear, but I needed you to know. I'm not done though, just let me continue." He pleaded. All she could do is nod and let him finish.

"Rey, I've been in love with you, well, almost as long as we've known each other." Rey did her best not to squirm a little at the discomfort of the situation.

"But training in the force with you this last year, I feel like know you better than ever", he sighed before continuing, "and that's why, I will continue to love you, Rey," He looked in her eyes hesitantly, "as your best friend." Now Rey was just confused where this was going.

"Finn, I don't understand what you're trying to tell me", she confessed.

"You don't have to hide your feelings from me Rey, I'm on your side and will support you no matter what you choose – " he placed something solid in her hand before emphasizing," – or _who_ you choose." She looked down and saw Kylo Ren's lightsaber in her hand.

"Finn, where did you – how did – I can explain –" she babbled out in panic as she raised her panicked eyes to meet his. She knew what the others thought of Kylo, they had made that abundantly clear. They wouldn't believe her even if she explained her time with Ben Solo.

"Rey, with all our training over the last year, you really must underestimate me. Even when you don't think I notice, your thoughts dwell on him frequently. I know you're in pain, feeling alone, even with all of us at your side. I can't say I'm not still in love with you, anyone in their right mind, hell – even Kylo Ren, would be, but I've seen how connected you were to him. What's more, is," His tone turned somber, "through your connection, I can feel how strong his love for you was. Even with all my heart, he loved you in a way I couldn't begin to match." Rey wasn't sure whether to be mortified that someone else knew just how intimate their bond was or relieved that someone else could understand. Finn continued, "I care for you deeply and want you to be happy for all of your life, and, that's why –" he clasped her hand around the saber and pushed it closer to her "- you need to go if you think you can be with him again, be _complete_ again."

Rey wrapped him in a tight hug, shedding a couple of small tears. "Thank you," she whispered. She had truly underestimated him; he had understood her better than she ever knew.

Clutching the lightsaber of Kylo Ren, she bid him farewell, taking a deep breath before priming the engines of the Falcon and taking off.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for reading and leaving your reviews! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

I always felt like Rey and Finn had a connection in TFA, but was easily eclipsed by Rey and Kylo's (or was it Ben's?) connection in TLJ. My head canon was that he wouldn't be thrilled, but would care for Rey enough to recognize what they had, and encourage her to pursue her **true** love :)

Let me know your thoughts – good or bad! Thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

Rey programmed the route to Ahch-To before she even realized what she was doing. Clearly, her instincts were taking the lead, which was probably for the best right now. Instincts aside, she didn't know why going back to the island would help her, after all, it had been the ancient Sith planet where she last saw Ben. _Maybe there was something Luke left behind?_

She began looking for information that could tell her more about the island. She spent the flight scouring her collection of texts, only finding tidbits here and there. The most interesting thing she was able to find was what looked like a map of several planets, including Ahch-To. It wasn't like any star chart she had ever seen; the planets were positioned in a way that didn't make sense. The diagram was simply labeled as the "Chain Worlds Theorem", with the notes only mentioning that others referred to the 'phenomenon' as the Vergence Scatter or World between Worlds. She looked over the diagram, able to recognize several of the systems that were supposedly included in the Chain Theorem, including Exegol. While that grabbed her attention, she wasn't convinced it would actually be of use. This just looked like some hidden method to travel between planets; Ben had literally disappeared in front of her eyes on Exegol, she hadn't just turned her back to find him gone. If she had been able to feel him since his death, she might have assumed that he became one with the force, but after seeing both Luke and Leia as force ghosts, and not a glimmer of the bond from Ben since, she wasn't sure that was the case... _for better or worse_, she anxiously thought, before pushing it aside. _Why would I have that vision if it meant nothing?_ She had to hold on to hope; there was just something she was missing. She was sure of it. The Falcon alerted her that the ship was coming out of hyperspace and she put back the texts, returning to the cockpit to begin the landing sequence. The sun had already started to set as she touched down on the island. Feeling exhausted from her research, she decided to set up for the night, planning to search for more clues in the morning.

* * *

She wasn't able to sleep for long when she feels it's call. The pit she had discovered in her training with Luke was beckoning her, yet again. The first time, it had promised her parents. She had followed Luke's instruction to leave it alone, but after learning the way he betrayed Ben, she quite frankly didn't care what Luke had to say anymore. She had run to the cave, hoping desperately for an answer to the belonging Maz had gone on about earlier, before being harshly let down. Ironically, it had only been after leaving the cave, that she found the belonging she needed in the most unlikely of places. Now it called to her again, luring her once more with her deepest desire, to belong, but she knew this time the promise focused on Ben. She wondered what Luke would say. She didn't give a damn the first time, but things had changed since then. _Would it honestly stop me if he **did** disapprove?_ After her desperate attempt to reclaim Kylo's saber from Kef-Bir, she sighed, it would a matter of **when** she would give in again, not if.

She trekked across the island as the wind whipped her hair, the cool ocean breeze chilling her to the bone. She was kicking herself for not waiting until the sun was out to provide a hint of warmth, but she had already come this far. She knew she was close as the call became stronger – air growing even colder. Any further, and she knew she would be fully unable to resist. She stopped for a moment to clear her mind, determining whether or not to commit. _Well, what do I honestly have to lose?_ She thought, unable to think of any actual reason to ignore what the place could offer, even if it turned out to be nothing, just like the last time. She continued until she reached the familiar pit, thick, black vines disappearing into the darkness of the cavern. She cautiously jumped in – this time minding the icy lake below. She expected to see a vision when she entered, some trick of the force, but to her surprise, all she could see was the cave in its natural state.

She wandered to the spot where she had pleaded to see her parents. The wall remained an icy slab. Nothing was happening and she began to feel even more alone than after the disappointing vision of her first encounter. _What was I expecting, after getting nothing the last time?_ She asked herself, bitterly recalling the vision before brooding over the rest of that night's memory. _At least I had him that night_. She placed her hand on the wall, eyes dropping to the floor as she remembered his words to her that night, "You're not alone."

Those three words had brought her more comfort in that moment than anything else had. She broke into tears, remembering how safe she felt with him – how full her heart had been when they touched hands, when he chose her life over his master, when he had finally come to her as Ben Solo, when he held her close as they kissed. She collapsed to the ground, becoming so engrossed in her mourning, that she nearly missed the shudder in the force where her hand had been.

Hesitantly, she looked up to see that the wall had changed. An ancient-looking design now decorated the wall, circling an area large enough that she would have trouble touching the top. Rey finished her tears before rising to examine the motif. She noticed what appeared to be porgs accenting the swirling patterns, edges glowing faintly in the dark cave. She brought her hand back to the wall, but instead of finding resistance, her hand passed through. _Just what **was** this cave? _As her hand lay beyond the wall, she felt a whisper in her left ear. "There's still good in him..." an unfamiliar voice assured, rich with kindness and love, before a different voice continued to her right, "…belonging ahead of you..." She quickly pulled her hand back in shock, before recognizing the voice as Maz. _Are these memories, or something more?_ She admitted this was all rather suspicious, considering the cave's previous tricks, but she was intrigued nonetheless. She braced herself for another disappointment before deciding to step through the wall.


	4. Chapter 4

It was happening again.

A young man, possibly younger than himself appeared out of thin air. As bizarre as it was, this had been going on for so long he didn't even question it anymore – didn't mean he was used to it. He'd never seen this man, but there was something familiar he couldn't put his finger on.

"You've done well; you should be proud of yourself." the young man smiled.

"Who are you," Ben asked, narrowing his eyes. There were only persistent voices when he was still Kylo Ren, but these were like living in a dream – or nightmare. As many times as this had happened, He couldn't remember the constant visions ever being the same, it managed to be a new experience every time: a different face, voice, or message. He hated it.

The man ignored his question, continuing on, "You're strong with the Force and have become a better man than I could ever hope," he beamed, "but I suppose I should expect no less from my Grandson." The man stepped forward, placing his hand on Ben's shoulder.

Ben glared back at Anakin Skywalker – his grandfather, his idol. Something felt wrong. He looked at the hand resting on his shoulder, flesh beginning to melt away. Anakin, unfazed, grinned at him.

A sense of Déjà vu startled him as his mouth fell open in shock – _wait a minute…_ he remembered why he knew that face. Previously unmissed memories flooded back into his mind... _maybe this vision __**had**__ happened before_. He supposed this place was finally taking its toll – he was finally beginning to lose his mind. Why did he think this was a brand-new memory? Had the other visions repeated too? More than once?

Anakin's voice tore Ben from his thoughts, "I was in love too; I would have given everything for her." His voice had now gradually begun to change and his eyes turned a sickly shade of yellow as he continued, "I gave all I had, but it wasn't enough. She left me, all alone." Ben took a step back, hoping to create some distance while grappling with his memory, trying to remember what came next in the visions from before.

The burning of Anakin's arms traveled to his neck, creeping towards his face as he stared intently at Ben, walking closer again, "You see, I wasn't enough, I was weak. I didn't have enough power," pausing with a wicked grin, "Just like you won't." **That** got Ben's full attention.

"You don't know what you're talking about. I saved her, I **felt** it," he spat at the vision, "I'm no longer weak like **you.**" What a fool he had been, _my whole life_ _chasing the dark side like grandfather – for what?_ He did more in a day as Ben Solo than years as Kylo Ren.

"You're a fool. I was sure too, but I needed more Power!" he cackled, now a disfigured image speaking with a cacophony of voices. Fear gripped Ben's heart. _Could he be right? No, this is just another hallucination from… wherever this is. Rey is fine. Far away from this nightmare._ The voices persisted as Ben contemplated, "Power is the only thing that can help you now – love is nothing but weakness."

Ben's mind went blank as his body suddenly wracked with pain; his life force being stripped away. It felt like a slow trickle, but agonizing all the same. The voices grew louder as more seemed to join in, "POWER, MORE POWER, **MORE POWER**". Ben pulled his focus back to the man, reaching out with the force – squeezing his neck while fighting the pain of the force drain.

Ben's body flew back as a sickening crack filled his ears, the vision abruptly ending. _Force_, he hated those.

There was nothing left but emptiness in the atmosphere. It might be peaceful if it wasn't so eerily empty. He didn't get moments like this for very long, so he decided to try again to reach out with the force. He had been trying for years – He had no real way to know for sure, being in a place like this, but he could feel it. Knowing Rey had felt like a lifetime in his heart, but in his mind, he could tell it was only a couple years. He had been in this place for far longer. It was bizarre – he didn't eat or rest. He was pretty sure it was hell for his life as Kylo Ren – at least he had made his last moments worth it.

He remembered when he had given his life force to revive Rey. It was a crazy feeling, like they had literally become one in the force, their consciousness melding together for a moment. He could feel every ounce of her feelings toward him, and he could only assume she felt the full extent of his love for her. He loved her more than he could put words to, he didn't even understand or know what to do with it._ Besides being a fool and endangering her time and time again,_ he remembered bitterly.

He knew she shared his feelings, but he felt that if she truly wanted to, she could let go – something he had tried his whole life to do, but could never truly succeed. He thought of Rey, hoping wherever she was, she was spreading her light to the rest of the world. His fists clenched slightly, as an instinctual possessiveness told him he never wanted her to love again, she was his, **only** his to love. Rational thought gently reminded him that he didn't _truly_ want that for her. He _really_ hoped that she would not feel the same bitter emptiness he did and could find solace in the others she cared about. It was an agonizing thought, but one a better man would have. A man worthy of Rey.

A tremor in the force disrupted his sorrow, as he looked up to notice a flicker of light in the distance. He drew to it instinctually, the light growing larger as he got closer. He finally was close enough to find that this was a rather large figure in the nothingness of this place. Geometric shapes formed a pattern, even taller than himself, lightly glowing in the darkness.

For however long he had roamed this place, he had yet to see something like this. It didn't look like anything but markings, but it felt like there was more to be discovered. He moved closer and touched the inner area of the shape, reaching out with the force to sense what may lie within it. He felt… something. _Perhaps_. But it was so faint he could have been imagining it... _Just like everything else here,_ he thought forlornly. Regardless of his sanity, he decided it would make a good place to meditate, at least.

Every time he had reached out with the force so far in this place, he only saw visions of the past. They were mainly haunting memories, but occasionally a happy moment here and there – His mother smiling at him, his father nodding and patting his back in approval - "_Not bad kid_", Luke teaching him how to build his first lightsaber. He made the attempt to keep his thoughts clear of Rey; there was enough pain without the bittersweet reminder of their memory.

Despite his attempts to stay away, this time she flowed through his thoughts stronger than he could avoid. The memory of holding Rey in his arms, looking at her lovely smile, feeling whole, feeling through the bond how she thought he made _her_ feel whole. It felt almost like he was reliving the moment all over again. Desperate for more, Ben attempted to steer the memory into a lucid vision. He beams at her in earnest, gently holding her face in his hand, bringing her face close to his. His deepest desire is to see her again – it's always been to see her again. Lost in her eyes, he whispers "Come find me" before he realizes he's spoken aloud.

The memory… dream… vanishes as quickly as it began. He felt unexpectedly satisfied, instead of tearing at the gaping hole in his heart, as memories of her usually did_. I suppose that's what happens when you're a hopeless fool clinging desperately to your own memories, pretending something will change,_ He scoffed to himself. Still, it had been such a heartwarming feeling – he hadn't felt this fulfilled since arriving in this dreadful place. He looked around in a moment of peace at the realm, the moment allowing him to enjoy the quiet and look over the starry sky, even in a strange place like this. _I suppose it's not all bad here_.

It only lasted a few moments before a cackle broke the spell and the nightmare began again.


End file.
